10 Reasons I Hate Padre’s Marfa

10 Reasons I Hate Padre’s Marfa

Update: And if everyone wants to know where my rancor comes from, it’s simple. I’ve always had a positive/neutral slant on things at Padre’s. I’ve given them tons of positive press for free (and never received a single free drink or chili dog in return). David Beebe wants to mask Indian for next year’s Mardi Gras. On marfalist.org I pointed out this was profoundly disrespectful to this tradition that he claims to love and cherish. He responded to me in a very condescending and childish way. To me, this revealed his true character. He is another deluded middle-class white boy making beaucoup money off of THE ARTISTIC LEGACY OF POOR AFRICAN-AMERICANS! If he truly revered these customs, then there wouldn’t be a problem.

Go ahead and mask Indian, make gumbo and play blues, white boy. Just don’t be a mealy-mouthed hypocrite about it.

And, according to an authority I consulted who masks with the Wild Magnolias, he could conceivably wear the Indian Chief costume as a costume (on Halloween, to a costume ball, on television, jamming with P-Funk, etc.) but it is a serious breach of custom to lead a Mardi Gras parade wearing it without belonging to an Indian tribe. In the olden days, another Indian tribe would have filled him full of lead or cut his throat.

Padre’s Marfa is a complete shithole for the following reasons:

&#8226The place is cold as fuck and under-heated for four months out of the year. Seriously, if you can’t afford to warm up the joint, think about getting a payday loan, cold miser. Or just turn up the heat, padre.

  • The employees all congregate at one end of the bar and bullshit and Facebook in a little clique when they should be scrubbing toilets and making sandwiches.
  • The drinks are way over-priced for rural Texas.
  • One of the barmaids thinks that a bar is an appropriate daycare for her child. This poor kid has to listen to a bunch of middle-aged drunks talk about chasing pussy and getting drunk… as a child who grew up in Texas bars, this is asking for problems down the road. Drunks aren’t good role models.
  • The people preparing food don’t wear gloves or hairnets.
  • They serve burgers, but they don’t serve french fries. I know, it’s unbelievable, but Padre’s serves burgers but doesn’t serve french fries.
  • They do not serve that sweet nectar of the Gods know as Coca-Cola. Yes, there are two types of Finnish vodka, but you cannot drink the most popular drink in America.
  • I am a recovering alcoholic. Padre’s consistently overserves and enables the alcoholism of the ‘regulars’ at the bar. This is not only illegal, it is morally reprehensible. One of my close friends drank too much there and hit a parked car. Of course, he needs to take personal responsibility for his actions. However, the staff at Padre’s illegally allowed him to get drunk and drive home and have an auto accident. In many people’s eyes, they are equally responsible for the accident.
  • It’s in an old funeral home. One of the owners is an ordained priest. To me that just seems creepy.
  • The pinball machines don’t work, but you can’t get a refund on them.
  • Too many hipster motherfuckers with skinny jeans and bad mustaches.
  • You practically have to rape someone to get kicked out of here. I saw a drunk cowboy brush up aggressively against women against their will for nearly a half hour (there were numerous complaints, I made one) before he was ejected. According to the staff, “He’s a harmless regular.” David Beebe, you lost more customers than you kept that night.
  • It’s in Marfa.
  • They don’t have standards of service for the kitchen and bar because they don’t have to… there are so few bars in Marfa and they are of such consistently poor quality that no one tries. This is a big problem throughout the Big Bend: “Oh no, that bartender isn’t surly, he’s colorful. No, this isn’t an ill-kempt shithole, it’s funky. Our waitstaff aren’t snotty, they’re hip.”

8 thoughts on “10 Reasons I Hate Padre’s Marfa

  1. Stephanie H

    I used to like Padre’s, but its kind of the old ‘flavor of the week’ problem again. It was fun when everybody went there and it was new, but as it gets a regular bunch of drunken regulars, it becomes less and less fun.

    Andrew, it’s not really fair to criticize how a mother raises her children. You don’t know the whole story. If anything, it is the manager’s fault for not giving her enough money for childcare.

  2. Andrew Suber

    If you raise a child in public, then you invite public scrutiny. I’m not an expert on childcare (and I’m not claiming to be). From personal experience, however, I know that bringing children into continual contact with drunks can turn out badly.

    This is probably a rather weak factor out of dozens and dozens of factors. And, yes, take everything I say with a grain of salt. IMHO in a perfect world, no child would even be exposed to advertising for alcohol.

    And, yes, you are right. If she can’t afford childcare then this is partially the owner’s fault.

  3. Jimmy Jamm

    U r stupid for believing that voodoo hoodoo bayou bullshit. U can wear anything u want, and its just ignorant black ppl who say otherwise. superstitions and bullshit

    if all them n’awlins folks were so smart, why’d they get drownded during katrina?

  4. Andrew Suber

    I don’t necessarily believe that you’ll be cursed if you break the custom. Rather, it’s disrespectful to the tradition.

    I normally don’t infer a reader’s intelligence from their spelling, but I might make an exception to that rule in your case.

  5. A.L.O.

    I whole heartedly enjoy a nice well worded, hate fueled, troll-like blog just as much as the next person, but I feel like maybe you were just pissed off that you didn’t get a free drink or chili dog for all the “free advertising” you were giving Padre’s. I mean, health code/ TABC violations are a legitimate reason to complain & I personally have always felt it was overpriced… because it is, that’s why there are so many hipsters there. Every place in Marfa, to a degree, caters to these trend-f**cks, & will continue to for as long as they keep spending their hipster dollars there (or someone puts cyanide in their Pabst Blue Ribbon). Listing the fact that it used to be a funeral home, though, as a reason why you hate the place is just douche-y. I, personally, don’t go to padre’s very much because it seems like every time I go there’s a cover. 1 or 2$ is one thing, but it’s always 7- 12$ for a local band that I can’t even hear if I want to smoke a cigarette or play a game of pool bc there are no speakers in the back. I do feel like, though, there should be a special place in hell for businesses which feature arcade/ pinball games that eat your money and then don’t refund you.

  6. Andrew Suber

    You’ve done an excellent job of defending Padre’s. I’m only right ten out of twelve times.

    It is creepy when you think of all the corpses that have been gutted and flushed out there. That in conjunction with the priest as a co-owner… kind of like the movie Phantasm. Call me crazy, but that takes a little edge off my appetite.

    I am angry at Padre’s for the exact reason I state: they say that it’s all about the ‘soul’ and the ‘love’ and the ‘culture’ when it’s really all about the hard cold cash that comes from selling alcohol and exploiting African-American culture. Alcohol is the substance that has enslaved the modern Black Asiatic man. If you don’t believe me visit this site: http://www.allahsnation.net/

    I am an angry grouch creature. Take everything I say with a grain of salt.

  7. Doug Pecore

    Andrew, isn’t this rant a bit stale. We are trying to run a business and ancient, negative press doesn’t benefit anyone. Those employees moved along years ago.

    Is there a message you are trying to send by leaving this up for three years?