Tales From the Big Bend: Alien Amazons from Neptune Kidnapped Me from Hen Egg Mountain

Tales From the Big Bend: Alien Amazons from Neptune Kidnapped Me from Hen Egg Mountain

[‘Tales from the Big Bend’ is a series that explores tall tales, legends and myths from the Big Bend area.]

Dr. Strange Blacklight Poster

Maybe there was something in the water...


If you’ve lived in the Big Bend of Texas for a while, you’ve learned that most folks believe strongly in “live and let live…” Despite that, there are still folks out there who are too far out for Terlingua.

Mr. B was kicked out of the Navy in the 70s for psychiatric problems. The legends say he took a quarter blotter of primo LSD while he was working a SONOR machine on a submarine in the Sea of Japan… personally, I take that legend with a grain of salt. There is a strange glint in his dark eyes that might be a result of an extended stay in the ‘acid patch’. He wears a long black beard, plinks on various stringed instruments and wears denim work shirts. He describes himself as a carpenter and a contractor, but no one has seen him do a lick of work since the Reagan Era.

There’s an old Texas saying: “Don’t ever hire a man who wears a straw hat and lace-up boots and who smokes hand-rolled cigarettes. If he ain’t chasing that hat around in the wind or lacing up his boots, he’s gonna be rolling a smoke.” This proverb applies perfectly to Mr. B.

This guy has a reputation for being weird… it’s one thing to have a reputation for being weird in Des Moines, but this guy has a reputation for being weird in Terlingua. He is a committed believer in orgones, vibrations that come from gold and silver, aliens and a strange religion called Urantia.

I interviewed him at his home. We sat crosslegged on the floor. A shortwave whooped and zoomed tunelessly in the background. We start gabbing about Gurdjieff and Reich’s Orgone Machine before the conversation turns to the more serious subject of alien abduction.

He takes a draw off a handrolled Bugler and starts giving me the down low on alien abductions in the Big Bend:

“It’s like this… the human nervous system is like an antenna that aliens can implement. When the body is in pain, it can act like a beacon or a receiver.”

“The aliens first became interested in this Geographic Area when the Conquistadors and Catholic church started using torture and slavery on the local Indians. If you look carefully at local, objective records from that time, you can see that the Padres saw globes of light that would advance and retreat in the night. The aliens were part of a pioneer force of peacekeepers.”

“Really, I don’t give a flying flip about the aliens. I’m interested in the gold and silver that they marked and hid in their time here on Earth. Gold, silver and uranium and the most important metals for their spaceflight. They secreted caches of it here in case a depleted or broken spaceship needed it. They only interacted with the men and women of that time as supernatural entities. I have evidence that they faked miracles in order to take offerings of precious metals.”

I asked Mr. B to cut to the quick and tell me about the abduction.


“I was out hiking out night with some very sensitive equipment. It was a $4,000 metal detector I was using to find the lost treasure of the Chisos Basin. It was a long process, but I had calibrated the equipment. I think that certain minerals were interfering with my readings, but I was patient.”

“It was a full moon that night. I stopped and smoked a joint at the base of Hen Egg mountain. My sources told me that this was the center of psychic energy. I believe the conquistadors left a cache of precious metals here after a crisis that destroyed the mine in the Chisos.”

“I made my way up Hen Egg. About halfway up I stopped and ate some tamari-roasted sunflower seeds. A cloud obscured the moon.”

“All of a sudden, a strange sensation overtook me. My vision became blurry and the hair at the back of hands stood straight up. There was a strange golden aura that became stronger.”

“There was a buzzing noise and the smell of ozone. I lost consciousness. I awoke in a cramped, totally dark space. Someone had used a very strong anesthesia on me, but my training in martial arts had provided me with a strong resistance to drugs.”

“There were disembodied voices and lights. My hands and feet were restrained; like when you have a dream and can’t move.”

“When I awoke, I was totally rested. It had been two days. Despite being in the best physical shape of my life, my mind was unusually foggy and preoccupied for a week. I did not remember the abduction until weeks later. I used a self-hypnosis/trance to recover the memories.”

I asked Mr. B why he thought the aliens abducted him.

“I’m not sure… there are probably at least five races of aliens here on Earth. The most common are the Whites and Greys… we are probably descended from those aliens. They’re the ones that look like the common conception of aliens.”

“Hitler found a crashed Grey spaceship in the foothills of the Himalayas. He was attempting to reverse-engineer an anti-gravitation device in the last years of WWII.”

I asked which race of aliens kidnapped him.

“It wasn’t the greys or the whites… they perform medical experiments. My educated guess is that the Amazons, or the gold race, kidnapped me. They had established a cordon around a spacecraft crash on Hen Egg Mountain and were detaining any humans who had stumbled on it. The Gold aliens appear as very tall, very beautiful human women with bronze skin. That is just a shadow cast from a higher dimension and not a reflection of their true form.”

My attention had started to wander at this point. Personally, I don’t believe that aliens abduct humans. I think its reasonable to believe that other lifeforms exist in our infinite universe, but I don’t think that they travel millions of light years to mutilate cattle or anally probe trailer park residents.

Mr. B sensed that I was skeptical. He rolled another Bugler, smoked it and nodded. The BBC World Report came on the shortwave with news from Uzbekistan.

Mr. B offered to sell me some some drugs. When I said ‘no’, he asked to borrow twenty dollars.

[Do you have an idea for Tales From the Big Bend? Do you have a strange experience or tall tale you’d like to share? E-mail me at andrewsuber@hotmail.com]

4 thoughts on “Tales From the Big Bend: Alien Amazons from Neptune Kidnapped Me from Hen Egg Mountain

  1. Duke

    Very good. I love the fact that a story of Westex epic strangeness was recounted with no mention of the Marfa lights.

    While I’m not casting doubt on Mr. B’s tale of alien abduction, I have firsthand knowledge of another abduction event .
    After a payday celebration at a local topless bar led to disorientation and an unexplained loss of time and money, the married members of the party of revelers agreed upon a plausible explanation and decided physical evidence was the best remedy for disbelief. Already covered with glitter and strange exotic smells, six alkaline Double A batteries were removed from a broken Walkman knockoff, divvied up and strategically placed in each man’s underwear. Upon stumbling home and confronting their wives, each man claimed an alien had abducted them, forced them to max out their debit cards and performed unnatural experiments on them. The batteries were provided to sway any skeptics. I’ll never forget the heroic effort of one member of the party that had worn boxer shorts that day and felt that since this was his third marriage, he needed an extra battery to make his story more convincing. His martial arts training allowed him to clinch and maintain control of the Chinese Double A’s for the long walk up the stairs to his waiting wife in the upstairs bedroom.

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