Last Patriot: I Got Some New Laws for that Ass

Last Patriot: I Got Some New Laws for that Ass

[Editor’s Note: if you know me personally, you’ll know that I field a lot of e-mails from a lot of strange people. The following post is from such a person. He only contacts me through a Yahoo e-mail account. He is a conspiracy theorist who claims to live in Fort Davis. In our exchange of e-mails, he set out to prove that I was unwitting an dupe in the conspiracy to control the American media.

In a therapeutic show of generosity, I have allowed him to post this message and other messages in order to demonstrate that his views are absurd and that there doesn’t have to be a conspiracy in order for people to ignore him. If you find this post absurd, please comment on it and tell him so. It might be the best thing for him in the long run. Also, I have left in mistakes because I am too lazy to edit this guy’s opinions.]



I renounce all philosophies but one: AMERICANISM! There is no such thing as too much patriotism.

That is the purely American synthesis of our way of life. It is a way of life with a strong military. It is a way of life where virtuous men and women toil on the family farm and praise GOD.

Under Obama we are turning to Socialism fast. Much too fast! We should put together our law enforcement so that they can quickly destroy socialists, terrorists, communists and other PEOPLE WHO OPPOSE THE AMERICAN WAY. WE ARE AT WAR WITH THESE ELEMENTS AND MUST DESTROY THEM BEFORE THEY DESTROY US.

Our allies in England and Canada have gone soft and Socialist. All English-speaking nations must unite to fight back Islam from Europe so that we can survive. ONE WORLD GOVERNMENT ASKS FOR APPEASEMENT FROM AMERICA! I will die before I appease Islam or the Whore of Babylon!

Join me now in this fight:

  • Accept the lord and savior Jesus Christ as the one true Messiah and the salvation of Man
  • Train yourself to shoot and carry out orders within a legitimate militia
  • Memorize the Constitution and Bill of Rights
  • Take a Sacred Oath to preserve the American way of life and destroy all who would oppose it
  • Renounce the Church of Rome, the United Nations and all other manifestations that do the work of Satan

I swear to thee Jesus Christ,
As savior and leader of the American people,
Loyalty and bravery .
I vow to thee and to the principles of the American nation
Obedience unto death.
So help me God.

If you cannot in good conscience take this oath, put a bullet through your brain and save me some trouble! Kill ’em all and let god sort ’em out.


11 thoughts on “Last Patriot: I Got Some New Laws for that Ass

  1. Buddy

    I could probably develop a computer program to randomly put together Fox News buzz words into paragraphs and it would look a lot like this.

  2. Noble Baker

    Mr Patriot,

    Please refrain from driving the socialist roads and walking on the socialist sidewalks. Also please don’t eat the socialist safe food sold in stores and restaurants. And, by all means, STOP breathing the socialist clean air. I’d mention the socialist clean drinking water but I’m sure you believe that fluoride turns you into a commie.

  3. Sane citizen

    You know, newspapers do not publish anonymous letters to the editor. If this jackass doesn’t have the “stones” to stand up for what he says, let him croak on his own venom-bag.

  4. The Last Patriot

    It is a liberal bourgoise convention that letters must be signed. Look to the truth of what I say.

    There is a reason that I am the “Last Patriot”. My comrades in arms have been killed, betrayed and jailed by the United Snakes.

    Right now the ATF is watching every step I make. I am sure that the FBI has been tracking my military activities as well. Why should I reveal my identity publicly to a dozen more law enforcement agencies?

    No, no, no. Bruce Wayne cannot let the people of Gotham City know he is the Batman!

  5. The Last Patriot

    If you think my message of humility and obedience is a ‘buzz word’, then your mind is the product of the union of a red-assed baboon and a turkey vulture.

    Fox News is a pawn in the game of power. It is owned by a foreigner, and in its own way is as pernicious as CNN.

    They don’t want you to have a gun. They don’t want you to think. They don’t want you to pray.

    They want you to buy products and patronize their corrupt corporate sponsors.

  6. The Last Patriot

    It is a sign of mental degeneracy that you think the air that the God Almighty gave us to breathe as free men IS OWNED BY THE SOCIALIST STATE!

    You will not be laughing with your snappy comebacks when Obama-stan officials have herded you into a nice, comfy ‘re-location camp’. Close your eyes and lean back… don’t pay attention to the gunshot and the oily smoke from the smokestack…

  7. Duke

    Great post from the Last Patriot! My praise has nothing to do with whether I agree with every point you make, but it’s a sign of a healthy democracy that you’re making them. And thanks to Andrew for providing an unfiltered forum for him.

    Went to a wrestling match once and got a bigger kick out out of watching the crowd react to the “Bad Guy” du jour.

  8. Rambo Buckleton

    Dear Mr Last Patriot,

    Please understand our minds are withered from the fluoride, soiled by the genetically engineered food and has been steadily fertilized with the lies they filled us with in the Socialized schoolhouses, and as such when you come screaming out of the gate with some wild and unorthodox claims, valid as they may be, we will tune it out and relegate you to the this-guy-is-Batshit-insane-so-don’t-bother-remembering-this-information recycle bin we keep in our minds.

    Is shock for a reaction + reply in an attempt to inform simply the only style you feel comfortable with? When I read your post I can’t make heads or tales of it. I can’t even figure out if it’s a joke it sounds so foreign to my reality.

    Why join a “legitimate” militia? Won’t Mr. Socialism just “well regulate” them to the point of uselessness? Can’t I just stay strapped on the street and “bust back at the goddamn law?” Can you please explain why the Roman Catholic religion, the one who decided on the books that comprise the bible you presumably read, is Satanic, yet Jesus should still be followed. Why would I take an oath to Jesus Christ? He’s dead and doesn’t even know what America is (perhaps you have information to the contrary?). And why take oaths at all if Christ commanded “But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God’s throne; or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”?

    And why should I promote all things American, or anything at all without examining its tenets first? Is striking back at the enemy in Socialism and Islam really compatible with Jesus’s nonviolent message of loving your enemies?

  9. The Last Patriot

    a) By legitimate militia I mean one dedicated to God and country. Not legitimized by the United Snakes of ‘Merica.

    b)The Catholic Church is the Whore of Babylon revealed in the book of Revelation. Man can only be saved by faith according to scripture; the Church of Rome teaches that acts save. Likewise, the catholic church sanctifies pagan gods and reverts to the pagan worship of the Earth mother (the Virgin Mary). The majority of Catholic doctrines (purgatory, sainthood, immaculate conception, the priesthood, etc.) appear nowhere in scripture.

    c) The oath I give is a covenant; common throughout both books of the Bible. Christ is warning us against hyperbolic speech and idle promises in the above scripture. He is warning us against taking Jehovah’s name in vain. It is only an accident of vernacular English that one ‘swears’ an oath.