By Mark Glover
1) Don’t slow down, stop, yield, use extreme caution when pedestrians are present. California may have the nation’s most congested, unsafe roads but dissing peds is defintely uncool. Car to car battles are ok.
2) Go to a fertilizer store like Humboldt Nutrients and announce that you’re growing marijuana. Everybody’s doing it – that’s why a fertilizer store is possible, dumbkauf
3) Ask what “Ride On” means
4) Suggest that California is going down the tubes. The state with the most generous welfare system and the longest lines may get relief in the form of a new tax base when marijuana is legalized this November.
5) Admit you’ve never picked up a hitchhiker – they’re everywhere in Norcal, so be part of the scene
6) Pick up half-full coke bottles with grayish liquid. Some wacko (probably a hitchhiker) is mixing drano with something else causing small explosions when picked up
7) Fart loudly in a restaurant as a cool couple walks by – this might be uncool anywhere, even the Blue Javelina
8) Answer a “How’s it going?” greeting with a heart filled, angst riddled reply
9) Admit you love Texas billionaires Harold Simmons (seeks to dump radio-active waste in NE Cal), Red McComb (prefers virgin forest land to build condos) Charles Hurwitz (His corporation MAXXAM responsible for cutting half of the remaining old growth redwood trees).
10) Admit you’re from Texas